New Year’s resolutions are important to me. I use them to focus on my goals for the year to make all my dreams come true. And 2022 is no exception. I know exactly what I want to happen for me this year: find love, write a TV show, and most importantly, see my new novel Thirty Things I Love About Myself find its way into the hands of every woman who needs self-love in her life.
But instead of creating several resolutions to make this happen, whether they’re about using dating apps or trying to micromanage my book's launch, I’ve decided to have just one resolution this year: to surrender. Instead of trying so hard all the time, I’m going to let things unfold on their own. And rather than focusing desperately on all my future goals, I plan on living fully in the present, enjoying everything I already have.
In other words, I’m going to trust and surrender.
Surrendering is a spiritual belief that has been around for centuries but is currently having a comeback. I first heard about it on Oprah’s podcast a few years ago, and now everyone from Gwyneth Paltrow to Fearne Cotton credits their happiness and success to the act of surrendering.
A New York Times bestselling author, Gabby Bernstein, has written several books explaining the importance of surrendering, including her latest Happy Days, and regularly shares her surrendering tips with her 1 million Instagram followers.
Every message I’ve grown up with, whether from teachers at school or Hollywood movies, stressed the importance of fighting for your dreams no matter what.
To her, surrendering means “trusting in the flow of the Universe,” which leads to us becoming a “magnet for miracles.” When I tell her I’ve chosen to make it my resolution this year, she congratulates me and suggests GLAMOUR readers do the same:
“Instead of focusing on what you want to GET in 2022, just resolve to lean toward faith rather than fear. Trust that the Universe has a plan far greater than your own and that everything is being taken care of around you. Don’t sweat the details and know that whatever is of the highest good is on its way. This is the ultimate form of surrender.”
It can sound a lot like just giving up, but Gabby stresses that’s not the case. “Many of us think that the more we do, the more we push, the more we try to control, the more we’ll manifest. It’s quite the opposite. The minute we take our hands off the wheel, that’s when life really starts flowing.”
As a self-confessed former control freak, she has learned this first-hand – whether it was trying to control the success of her nine books' success or her attempts to get pregnant at the exact right time for her career. But now, she chooses to accept her reality as the highest good, leaning into what’s already thriving in her life, rather than constantly focusing on her goals and recognising obstacles as detours in the right direction.
These are things that don’t come naturally to me. Every message I’ve grown up with, whether from teachers at school or Hollywood movies, stressed the importance of fighting for your dreams no matter what. And now that I’m so close to my dream of having my book out in the world – a book that’s inspired by my journey to love myself after a break-up – it’s taking all my self-control to not manically obsess over launch initiatives and sales figures.
“Try and hold loosely to the outcome you want rather than gripping on tightly,” suggests therapist Aimee Falchuk. She explains that there is a physical benefit to surrendering:
“When we’re forcing things, we’re in fight or flight. Going about things in that way has an impact – whether it’s feeling frustrated, dissatisfied or exhausted. You overuse your energy. But when we loosen that grip, it’s less tiring. On a purely physical level, it allows us to move away from an activated system to a healthy balance.”
She’s right; when I’m frantically trying to micromanage my life, whether it’s my book success or swiping on dating apps, I’m stressed. It’s not enjoyable. But the second I “loosen my grip” on everything I want in my life, I can relax into my reality and enjoy it. I can appreciate the fact I’ve written a book I love, and I can be excited about the potential of falling in love rather than focusing on the when/where/how of my future.
I have no idea if my dreams will ever come true, and if they do, what they’ll look like. But by surrendering, I’m choosing to have faith. And most importantly, I’m accepting that I’m a mere human being in a vast universe, and I can’t control everything.
“Surrendering is an exercise in humility,” agrees Aimee. “Sometimes acceptance can feel hard. And sometimes, we do need to use our will to change things – it’s not about resignation or abdicating your responsibility. It’s just about not holding on as tight as you need to.”
So this year, I’m going to breathe through my anxiety, trust that my book will reach everyone who needs it and simply enjoy the feeling of letting my future unfold without me trying to control it. Because, as Gabby says, “the more you feel it, the more you’ll believe it.”
Thirty Things I Love About Myself by Radhika Sanghani will be released on 20 January 2022. You can pre-order it on Amazon.
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